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Not So Fast, Edinberg

A family friend used to share this little gem of a joke:

The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh, by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander.

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. “Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn’t you be a bit more tactful next time?” “Yes, sir,” answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again, with, “Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath’s mother died. You had better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time, be more tactful.”

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. “Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward — NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!”

Of course, my reason for remembering this joke has even lighter humor. “OK, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody who has not had simple sugar in the last 24 hours, take two steps forward — NOT SO FAST, EDINBERG!”

I allowed sugar to permeate my blood stream again. Failing to react in time, it became a runaway freight train. Like charging full speed ahead, this substance ascended with gradual, yet persistent force and recklessness. A feeling of needing more and more sweetness swept over me until I consumed, and was fully consumed by, the simple sugar.

Feeling groggy with a sugar-induced hangover and a sense of failure, I attempt sugar elimination again. Like a drug, the physical addiction of sugar lures itself back into my body. Regulating my blood sugar level to circumvent the cravings and nourish the body with seventy-two hours of clean eating to build a defense against my drug of choice is necessary. Self-control, exercise, and resolve strengthen my mind and body against the threat of processed, sugar-laden food’s access. Next time attention is called to stand in formation, I hope to take two steps forward and not hear, “Not so fast, Edinberg!”

Published inHealthy Avenue

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