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Slow Loser

Although I appreciate the boot camps and clean eating along the healthy avenue, I struggle with the unknown. What works and does not, confuses and causes me to second guess each step. Did I exercise enough, eat enough, drink enough (water), do enough to make my journey successful? Am I digestively sensitive to dairy, egg whites, or an ingredient still unacknowledged? Have I done everything to ensure success in this venture? Slow and steady may win the race, but slow and unsteady, what say you now?

When it all comes to fruition, realizing my weight loss goal, lifetime maintenance, and my primary mission of being comfortable in my skin, I want peace of mind, knowing the healthy path that led me there, and continuing to walk it daily. Much of the struggle is understanding what essentially works and does not. Throughout this process, I struggle with not truly knowing what aspects cumulatively are optimal actions. What parts are pushing the weight loss down while others fight against a tide, attempting to hold on to excess fat and pounds.

This unknown is my challenge, as the weight drops unevenly, slowly, and continues to baffle my intelligence. What I thought I knew for sure in life, is that when I did not know something, I could study it, rely on facts, and act accordingly. Yet with hormones, gut health, metabolism, and other variables affecting my body via a compilation of factors, there is no definite path. Only guidelines and tweaking to guide my journey, attempting to increase my efficiency with successful courses of action may I rely.

When on the slow end of losing weight, acknowledging that some bodies lose faster than others is excruciatingly frustrating. It is another  ‘I am not good enough’ to be as successful as others. Although happy for others’ success and yearning to possess the same superpower of weight loss speed, envy exists. I don’t want to be a “slow loser.”  My due diligence did not pay off this time; my results do not equate to my efforts. The disappointment of possibly not being fast enough causes unrest.

Yet my journey will not be dissuaded, deterred, or denied my eventual vision, a goal set with clear intention. Altering my views, my critical self judgment needs a new route. Some struggles are worthy of time, learning, and patience. The need for the mind to catch up with the body’s transformation, time for habituating the process and discovering how one’s body uniquely functions, validates the theory of a slower journey.

Embracing this slower speed erases my equating it to ‘being less than’ or ‘not enough’. Perhaps the slow I require has benefits I have not fathomed. I am worthy of success, reaching my goals, and being the best version of myself. Accepting a slow loser status lowers my extreme expectations and may alter my speed by adding a new perspective and reducing disappointment. Speed is subjective; my body decides the rate of weight descent. That speed must be perfect for my body or it would act otherwise.

Until my ultimate destination, I continue to alter and correct, delve beneath to find the tricks of the fitness, weight loss trade. Accepting the process and gliding along at whatever rate, will lead me to a victory. The longer I travel, the greater the weight journey. As we know, the essence is about the journey, not the end. As I have repeatedly said,”Everything’s going to be alright. If it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.” When I reach the end, a new journey begins. Slow loser, or longer journey? It’s a matter of perspective.

Published inHealthy Avenue

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