Days move fast. Details are plenty. Head feels full. To slow the motion, shake this frenzy, I freeze the memories into picture frames, and still my beating heart with love for each essential second. I jump off this merry-go-round, sit in a field of stillness, and breathe in the glory of being. Time ticks faster, my motherhood role elevates to chauffeur, and I yearn for the smallest of genuine conversations and connections as we speed to the next ballgame, the next year-end activity, the next juncture of their lives exiting and commencing before me without acknowledgment. I no longer connect with others; frenzy stays with me. Yet, she releases herself long enough to let go and free me from captivity.
My son’s passion shines with a hit to left field, a single stretched into a double, and a slide into home plate. The play to first, the line drive caught on the fly, and a short pick-up to tag and close an inning out, are the joys that fill his heart beyond measure. A horse’s canter and jumping the two-footers with my daughter atop sets a glow this ride ignites within her. She rides with bliss, filled with love for this graceful creature, and feels more exhilarated than any other event can foster. As I sit on the sidelines, I feel my breath wave in and out, easing into stillness that recently escaped me. Frenzy is gone and I am one with the moment, grateful for the breath, experience, and elation of beauty within and around me.
When frenzy returns, I filter it out with a breath. There I pause to listen, see, and feel a glimpse of freedom as frenzy fades away into the stillness of an idyllic event. Frenzy files down its edges to smooth contours when the wind whistles, the crack of the bat declares a hit, and the hooves beat the ground with rhythm. I then experience happiness blended with harmony as the moment envelops me. These days as time moves faster and memories collide into a blur, releasing frenzy from my life offers the gift of joy, the thrill of freedom, and the stillness a good life requires. When I feel frenzy beckon, I release its hold, still my heart, and feel life’s bliss.