Why commit to a time-consuming fit lifestyle and clean food regime that differs from the mainstream, while towing the line of weight loss and well-being? Reaching a stable space, feeling that anything is possible, and achieving peace within regarding my body, mind and spirit are all integral to the whys of this journey.

“Comfortable in my skin” is paramount, a self-acceptance and gratitude for the body given to me. Able to visit my closet and drawers with ease, optimism, and cleansed of the past unfitting, unbecoming, uncomfortable wares, in exchange for loving what I wear, excited to exhibit a daily ensemble of clothes, is one goal worth reaching. To don a bathing suit upon a beach, lounge in a swimming pool among friends, and saunter down my own hallway confident that my body represents inner peace, love, and acceptance that lies within tops the priorities as well. Living an energetic life, one of longevity, presumes action is required including numerous steps taken, push ups completed, and kettlebells lifted, as well as consumable fuel pumped and digested from efficient, healthy, and “clean” food.

Although these reasons validate my journey and motivate my walking the walk, this health expedition is about healing the brokenness. The remnants of sugar addiction that linger from childhood, that fed my emotions rather than enabling full expression, filling a void where unconditional love felt limited, and reaching the depths of worthiness beneath the brokenness are significant “Whys” that motor me towards a novel space I see in the distance. Healing is not about losing weight, nor completing a 120-lb. deadlift; it is about achieving what I deemed impossible, knowing I am worthy of greatness and peace within that lay consumed by fear and anxiety no longer needed for me to survive. For this fear factor to plummet, healing is a prerequisite.

That is my main “why” with other “whys” dangling as the icing on the kettlebell, waiting to clang loudly when I have achieved the impossible, making my vision reach fruition, and arrive at a place of true healing. This keeps me chugging, focused and dedicated to the proposition that one day I shall feel whole, and devoid of something missing. Until that day, I remain steadfast upon this journey.